» Doggie Pledge

Doggie Pledge

  • I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
  • The computer’s mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet
    in the house when I am about to throw up.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of
    hangers-on.
  • I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the bathroom
    garbage.
  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not eat other animals’ poop.
  • I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.
  • I will not roll my head around in other animals’ poop.
  • “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.
  • I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in
    the backyard after processing.
  • The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  • I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty
    ones.
  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up
    her bottom end.
  • I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, ‘specially not the red ones,
    or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled
    down when it’s raining outside.
  • I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone
    who is sitting on the toilet.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
    one on TV.
  • I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the
    back yard with it.
  • The sofa is not a face towel.
  • Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  • I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for
    Mom’s driver’s license and car registration.
  • I will not play tug-o’-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s
    on the toilet.
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying
    under the coffee table.
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering
    the house.

One Response to “Doggie Pledge”

  1. Mrs Bridget G. Says:
    July 2nd, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    I gotta print this and put it on my wall.

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